


I'm Sorry I Met You, Darling

by Lo Turner-Kane (doujinbag)



Category: Arctic Monkeys, Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Angst, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Paris - Freeform, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-06
Updated: 2015-06-06
Packaged: 2018-04-03 04:00:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4085866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doujinbag/pseuds/Lo%20Turner-Kane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex seems to say sorry just a little too much. Miles isn't sure why he's so apologetic of his very existence– until one fateful event that happens during their stay in Paris.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Sorry I Met You, Darling

**Author's Note:**

> uh. sorta for an anon on tumblr although this probably isn't really what they wanted?? sorry nonny :C  
> this also sucks just a warning so :)))) dkm

Alex's favourite phrase seems to be "I'm sorry." It doesn't matter where they are, what they're doing, or even if he did anything wrong; he will always find a reason to apologize for something.

"I'm sorry, I was in the way."  
"I'm sorry, I'll be more careful next time."  
"I'm sorry, my music is too loud."  
"I'm sorry, I forgot my tea on the counter."  
"I'm sorry, I almost wore your shirt this morning by accident."  
"I'm sorry for saying sorry so much."

Miles knows something inside Alex has to be wrong. The Alex he knew a few years ago was shy and quite the anxious one, yes, but never exactly apologetic for his existence. It makes him wonder what's making him feel this way so suddenly.

Suddenly, they're in Paris, recording their new album at last. For a long while, it seemed that The Last Shadow Puppets was merely a dream slightly out of their reach, but now, that dream is finally coming true.

They share a hotel room although not a bed, and Miles is only slightly disappointed at that. He hides it with a smile at Alex every morning, but he does feel an ache in his chest when that smile isn't returned. He blames it on Alex not being a morning person.

By the time they finish the album, Miles doesn't want to go home. He wants to stay in Paris forever, to stay with _Alex_ forever. And he just might finally confess his feelings tonight. After all, he can always blame it on the alcohol they're downing if Alex doesn't feel the same.

They're standing out on the balcony— _their_ balcony, Miles considers it— on their second to last night in the hotel. Swaying, breathing, wine glasses in hand, coexisting. But Miles doesn't want to simply coexist with Alex anymore. He needs more.

"Alex," he says quietly, watching his wine swirl around in its glass. "Can I—"

"'ere," Alex says automatically, producing a cigarette from his pocket and handing it to him.

"Thanks," Miles accepts, "bu' that's not wha' I were goin' t'ask." Alex stares out at the Riviera and sighs, which Miles takes as a sign to continue. "Alex, ye... We've been friends for some time, yeah?"

"Qui'e a few years now, yeah."

"Righ'... An' I were jus', y'know, thinkin', an' maybe... maybe ye feel more?"

Alex glares at Miles out of the corner of his eye and presses his lips together in a thin line. "What're ye gettin' at, Mi?"

"Well, I-I-I were jus' wonderin' if maybe ye... feel the same as me."

"What exac'ly would tha' feelin' be?"

Miles holds his breath and slides the unlit cigarette behind his ear like a journalist with an ink pen. "This," he exhales. He takes one step closer and cups Alex's jaw with a gentle hand, then continues to press his lips against the brunet's. He lets it linger for a moment before pulling away, nervous to see Alex's reaction.

Alex watches Miles's eyes for a second or two, his own brown irises moving back and forth frantically. At last, he just whispers, "I'm sorry." He heads back into the hotel room without saying goodnight and by the time Miles follows his footsteps, he's already asleep, worn out from crying.

The next day runs a bit smoother. Alex doesn't seem to remember the kiss, and he actually seems happier than any other morning. He smiles back at Miles when they wake up and twirls around the room on his tiptoes to music in his head. Miles watches with admiration as his favourite person in the world finally seems to be showing some sign of happiness.

They go out to a nice little café on the Riviera for lunch, and once they get back to the hotel room, Miles is taken by surprise when Alex pins him to the door.

"I love you," he gushes out before pulling Miles into a kiss. It's sporadic and absolutely mad, the way he suddenly changed like this, but Miles doesn't have room to complain. He holds Alex's hips tightly as he's pushed back onto the bed and just grins the whole time Alex rides him like there's no tomorrow.

They're both in a hazy afterglow state once it's all said and done, sharing a cigarette with Miles's arm around Alex's waist. "I love you," Alex whispers again, the words almost muffled due to his lips moving on Miles's neck. "I'm sorry."

"Why're ye sorry?" Miles questions. "I love ye too, Al. Ye know tha'."

"I know," Alex whispers. "I'm sorry anyways." He suddenly pulls out of his apologetic state and smiles. "Sing me a song, Mi? Please? The last one I'll 'ear y'sing?"

"Last one? What?"

"In- in Paris, I mean. We prob'ly won't be comin' back, at least for a while, yeah?"

Miles nods and just kisses his lover's temple before starting to sing. _"Want her, have her, two years have gone now but I..."_

That night, Miles goes out to get them some more wine, leaving Alex with a cigarette between his fingers and remnants of a kiss on his lips. It takes longer than expected to find their favoured Pinot Grigio— fifteen whole minutes, to be exact— but when he finally does, he's quick to return to their hotel room and share their last in-Paris drink with Alex.

He doesn't see Alex around at first, so he sets the wine bottle down on his bed and begins walking around the room. "Al?" he calls. "Alex, love, where're ye?"

He hears someone crying from the balcony and immediately walks through the double doors, and what he sees is less than inviting. Alex is standing on a small table on the platform, dangerously close to falling off the balcony entirely. He looks down at Miles, arms outstretched, and _smiles._

"Oh, Miles," he says only a bit louder than a whisper. "I'm so sorry."

"Alex, what the 'ell are ye doing? Get down from there!"

"Mi... I can't."

"Let me 'elp, then. Please."

"No. No! Stop!" Alex protests. "I don't want to."

"What the fuck? Alex, get down! What are ye tryin' t'do, _kill yourself?"_ Alex doesn't answer, and suddenly, Miles feels his heart shatter. "Oh, god. Ye are, aren't ye? Alex, please, please get down. Let's talk this through."

"There's nothing t'say!" Alex cries. "God, Miles, don't y'get it? I've wanted this for months now! An' finally, I can get it. It's righ' 'ere, Miles! One step an' I never 'ave t'worry about this again!"

"Why?" Miles asks, tears in his eyes. "Why would ye want this? An' if ye knew ye wanted to, why would ye kiss— _fuck—_ me?"

"I didn't want y'to remember me as the depressed boy who always said sorry," he whispers. "I wanted t'make ye 'appy. One last time."

"Alex..." Miles says cautiously. "Alex, please, get down. There are better ways to handle whatever you're goin' through!"

"No," Alex disagrees. "No, Miles, there isn't. After twenty-some years of this, y'finally start t'realize tha'." He takes a half step backward and Miles reaches out for him.

"Alex! Please! Please. Please, please, oh god, please. Please walk back t'me. Get down, get down, please please please. Listen t'me, Alex, it's okay. It's gonna be okay. Please."

A few tears slip out of Alex's eyes as he stares down at Miles, then the ground below, then Miles again. "It hurts, Mi," he pleads. "Please don't make me get down. Please, oh god, please let me die. Let me die. Let me die."

Miles carefully lunges forward, grabs Alex by the waist, and pulls him back onto the ground of the balcony. Alex lands on his chest with a squeak, and then, he starts to sob.

"Why? Why? Why can't y'just let me die? Oh god, Miles, why? Why would you- oh god, please no, I'm begging you..."

"Shh, shh, shh," Miles says, running his fingers through Alex's hair. "God, Alex, I love ye so much. I do. Please... please, please, jus' breathe, love. Deep breaths, deep breaths..."

Alex beats at the platform of the balcony with a weak fist but gives up when he realizes there's nothing to be done as long as Miles has his arms around him. He wants to scream at him, to tell him he hates him, that his life is ruined now. He wants to yell and cry and never ever see Miles again. But then again, that's not what he wants at all. "I'm sorry," he sobs. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry."

Miles shushes Alex with a single finger over his lips and fights the tears in his own eyes. In his ear, he begins to quietly sing, _"Oh, why would you, why would you say sorry...."_

Alex can only cry and hold onto Miles as he's carried back into the room, Miles's arms wrapped protectively around him like a seatbelt of some kind. "You'll be okay," Miles comforts. "Oh, love, you'll be okay."

Something in his voice tells Alex that Miles isn't so sure of his own words.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://spookymileskane.tumblr.com) / [instagram](http://instagr.am/and.a.smile)


End file.
